ECKHART, that is, in predigested form, i.e., as interpreted by Frederick Burschmidt - that is what I have been doing this afternoon. Eckhart believes that God cannot, successfully at least, be sought, but is to be received. Burshmidt says, "We need to recognize that we in the West live in a culture that values achievement and doing over simply existing. We need, at the outset, a careful self-scrutiny, examining the ways in which we seek to master the world. And we need to act intentionally to give up that control, precisely at those places where we seek to have it the most."
I made a list of four areas where I seek to have control:
2. Freeman. After 30 years this goal epitimizes the triumph of hope over experience. Plus, thank God I can't control him - that is his weird and wonderful charm.
2. My health. Giving up control in this area does not mean throwing my vitamins out in the window and going on a diet of ice cream and veggie corn dogs. It simply means taking care of myself as best I can, with what willpower I have, and not obsessing on the outcomes - just living my moments and leaving the rest up to God, the Tao, however one sees it.
3. The way I use time. I have examined this one before. It is rooted in deep self-doubt, the semi-conscious belief that if I gave up the almost constant inner nagging I would morph into a couch potato who never cleans her house or does any worthwhile thing and takes a shower maybe once a week. If anything, internal nagging blocks my flow and my creativity. Don't do it!
4. What Freeman thinks of me. Another insecurity-based, delusional goal. He knows me. I can't fool him into thinking that I am a clean, sober, righteous, hard-working, "the person my grandmother wanted me to be" at this point. Running around trying to pretend I'm better than I an is an energy suck that keeps me from being the best I could be.
To loop back to Meister Eckhart, seeking is, or can easily become, an ego-based effort that keeps us from receiving the Godness that constantly surrounds us. Address it by surrendering ego-controls - which I think can be a long and interesting project.